"Example is not the main thing in influencing others. It is the only thing." Albert Schweitzer
Arthur C. Brooks recently became a grandfather, and in The Happy Art of Grandparenting in The Atlantic he asks what the research says about doing the role well. His answer applies well beyond the family. It describes how experienced people can support those who come after them.
Brooks cites three predictors of relationship quality and satisfaction between grandparents and grandchildren: contact frequency, participation in activities, and commitment. In his words, the lesson is to show up a lot. A separate set of studies found two behavioral norms attached to the role: being there and not interfering. The most involved grandparents were about two and a half times more likely than the most detached to call the relationship excellent.
He also notes the temptation. Grandparents tend to doubt that the parents are doing the job properly. In an AARP survey he cites, only a quarter of grandparents said parenting today is better than it was in their day, and 77 percent agreed that parents today are too lax. Being there is easy. Not interfering is the harder discipline.
Insurance has its own version of this arrangement. Senior underwriters, brokers, claims leaders and actuaries spend years building judgment, and the industry depends on passing it down. The same three predictors apply. Mentoring that happens once a year at a review is weak. Mentoring that happens often, in shared work, with a real commitment from both sides, tends to stick.
Frequency matters because judgment in this business is mostly tacit. A junior analyst can read the guidelines, but learns why an exception was granted only by watching it happen. Participation matters because the lesson is in the room: the broker call, the claim file review, the model validation meeting. Commitment matters because the relationship has to survive the quarter when everyone is busy.
The second norm is the one many experienced professionals struggle with. Once you have handed a book of business, a desk or a model to someone, you will see decisions you would have made differently. Most of them will be defensible. Some will be wrong in ways the person needs to discover. Stepping in to correct each one removes the ownership that makes the learning real, and it tells the person you do not trust their judgment.
Brooks makes a related point about responsibility. Grandparents enjoy the role partly because they carry less of it than the parents do. A mentor is in a similar position. The person accountable for the outcome is the one doing the work. The mentor can offer perspective calmly because the decision is not theirs to defend. That distance is useful, and it is worth protecting.
None of this means staying silent. It means choosing when to speak. Be available. Answer when asked. Raise a concern privately when the stakes are material, such as a coverage position, a reserve or a compliance question. Leave the rest to the person closest to the work.
A practical test is to count how often you were present last month and how often you intervened. If the first number is low and the second is high, the balance is reversed. Senior colleagues who get it right tend to be remembered less for what they corrected than for the fact that they were reliably there.
Brooks wrote about grandchildren, but the principle holds for any relationship where experience meets ambition. Show up often, join the work, commit for the long term, and let the next generation make its own decisions. Our industry's knowledge moves forward that way.
This article is part of our ongoing Happiness series, inspired by Arthur C. Brooks and his column in The Atlantic.